Gadabout Media » Dating

What Does Your Preference For Cats Or Dogs Say About You? (And What About Your Potential Mate?)

Alessia — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 01:51:05 +0000

I wrote about making a list of qualities you are looking for in a mate, and then followed-up with thoughts on how you can learn a few things about relationships with Mr. or Ms. Right by your relationships with pets. And then I found out that there’s actually a study about this!

A team of researchers, led by psychologist Sam Gosling at the University of Texas at Austin, included data from an online questionnaire in their study about personality (called the Gosling-Potter Internet Personality Project). The questionnaire asked respondents whether they considered themselves cat people, dog people, both or neither, in attempts to see what, if anything, that meant about personality. In short, helping you to see what your preference for cats or dogs says about you.

And that means you can also use this information as a guide to others.

While the full study and its results won’t appear until the September 2010 issue of Anthrozoos, Elizabeth Landau of CNN shares the following:

It turns out that the “dog people” — based on how people identified themselves, not on what animals they actually own — tend to be more social and outgoing, whereas “cat people” tend to be more neurotic but “open,” which means creative, philosophical, or nontraditional in this context.

I’m not sure this is news to those of us who spend time thinking about such things, but it’s nice to have personal insight confirmed by science.

And in that CNN article, Landau confirms a few other facts about people and their pets:

Beyond personality characteristics, people may have physical features in common with the animals they like or own. A study by University of British Columbia psychologist Stanley Coren found that women with long hair liked Springer spaniels and beagles, which have long ears, and women with short hair liked the short-eared basenjis and huskies.

A study by Michael Roy and Nicholas Christenfeld found that participants could match photographs of owners to their purebred dogs about 67 percent of the time, based on appearance alone. Results suggested that the owners selected dogs that looked like themselves and did not grow to look like the dogs over time, as there was no relationship between how long the people had lived with the animals and how similar they looked.

Both of those studies are mentioned in an upcoming book called “Some We Love, Some We Hate, Some We Eat: Why it is So Hard to Think Straight About Animals” by Hal Herzog, professor of psychology at Western Carolina University.

(The book also is due to be published in September of this year; if you’re interested, you can pre-order Herzog’s book at Amazon.)

What’s also potentially illuminating about mates or potential mates in these studies is that if a dude who doesn’t look like his dog shows up, you probably have a clue that he’s either made some recent changes or this pooch is pointing the future path of Mr. Right. In any case, such a differential might help you sniff out the truth. *wink*

Image Credits: Cesar dog food ad.

Of Boredom & Coupledom

Alessia — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 15:32:48 +0000

Over at Date 1411 there’s an article on married people who think it’s more fun being single:

Having been a single mother, dating became more challenging than my chosen career. Every relationship, when fresh and new gives you the sense of bliss, but when the newness wears off, you’d better have more to go on than laughter and lust.

Although I strongly urge anyone who is in an abusive relationship to find the courage to leave, I, on the other hand encourage anyone seeking a little more excitement to look within themselves and their own relationship and do what you can to create that excitement and passion at home. Leaving a spouse or partner because the relationship has grown boring can only lead to more heartache, more work and more confusion than you ever imagined. Remember it does take two to create passion!

I think it’s good advice, and for singles too. Those who think marriage or coupledom is the cure for boredom, or that a little more excitement is automatic when in a relationship, should look within themselves first.

Are Movies Good Date Options?

Alessia — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 12:06:57 +0000

I’m not one to advocate going to a movie for a first date; other than the discussion of what movie to see, there’s little opportunity for conversation. And dates — especially first dates — are all about conversation, the chance to learn about one another. You need to know something about the other person in order to enjoy the snuggle-up time.

Teenage Couple Necking in a Movie Theater

However, some people find the lack of conversation more relaxing for a first date — and others find themselves going to movies on a first date because that’s what the other planned. In either case, the way to make the most of a date to the movies is to stop for coffee or pie or something afterwards. (Don’t worry, about adding on an extra thing to pay for. If he’s cheap, or you simply fear how it will look, make it clear when you suggest stopping at the dinner, that you’ll pay for it.)

After the movie, you can both discuss what you liked or didn’t like about the movie. Don’t view this as some intimidating film critiquing experience; just talk about what you saw, what you liked, etc. To avoid coming across as negative or slamming his film choice (and therefore the date), don’t talk about what you hated — unless/until he does.

Dating Rules: Should You Say “I Love You” First?

Alessia — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 09:53:23 +0000

From the “Rules that everyone tells you that are just plain stupid” files…

“Never, and I mean never, say ‘I love you’ first.”

OK, suppose every single person the world-over adopted this rubbish — who would ever be told the three magic words? Someone has to say them first.

The real rule here is not to rush into saying such important words.

Learn to discern love from infatuation; love from good sex; lasting romantic love from loving attention.

No matter how genuine your feelings, don’t blurt such sentiments too soon. How soon is too soon? Well, there’s no magic rule here, unfortunately, but use some common sense. Has he or she even known you long enough, well enough, to have fallen in love with you?

Just ‘cuz you’re on the emotional express train, doesn’t mean you need to express your emotions before the guy or gal catches up with you.

When you’re convinced not only that what you are feeling is lasting & real, but that the object of your lifetime worthy affection has had enough time to possibly know enough about you to feel the same, then go ahead, be the first to say it. Leave them the sloppy seconds of saying so too.

But if they don’t, well, so what? Maybe you were too quick on the draw with your love bullets this time — only more time will tell, right?

Red, Red Wine…

Alessia — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 06:24:45 +0000

Finally, a study which may explain a bit more about my own behavior…

A study at the University of Florence finds that a glass or two of red wine may increase a woman’s libido:

Researchers concluded that levels of sexual desire were higher in women who were moderate drinkers of red wine than in their counterparts who preferred other alcoholic drinks, or were teetotal.

One theory put forward by the team of Italian doctors who carried out the study is that chemical compounds found in red wine may improve sexual functioning by increasing blood flow to key areas of the body.

The researchers said: “While this finding needs to be interpreted with some caution, it nevertheless suggests a potential relationship between red wine consumption and better sexuality.”

This should please my husband, who claims I become “chatty Cathy” when I drink wine, especially the red varieties; if he can stand all my babbling, he might get some. *wink*

But what I find interesting is that I’ve never noticed such a direct link between my glass of wine and my sexual desire — but I have, like hubby, noticed my more talkative nature. To me, this means that my sense of intimacy, trust, has increased… No small thing for a woman who’s survived date rape and domestic violence, right? So perhaps additional studies should look into intimacy/red wine connection — to see if the increased sexual desire isn’t really more of an Oxytocin thing…

Ring-Ring: Calling Upon The Universe For The Perfect Mate

Alessia — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 11:27:54 +0000

Back when I was dating men who were perfectly horrid — one right after the other — I decided to take a break from dating altogether while I figured out a new action plan. Following the advice of some touchy-feel-y New Age-y types, I sat down and wrote a list of all the qualities I was looking for in a man. The theory goes that by writing the list, you’re creating a letter of intent to the Universe, drawing that person (& energy) to your life.

Being a big believer in lists, I was hopeful. Not just for the call-out to the Universe, but because in creating a list, you’re having to dig around in your own head and heart. I’m totally a fan of knowing yourself.

The trick, at least for calling upon any higher powers for help (and for being a positive person in general), is to list all your needed characteristics and wanted traits in positive terms. And to be specific about them. So I couldn’t just write, “No more losers,” or even, “No more controlling men.” You have to phrase them in positive ways, such as, “He will be my partner, my equal, and enjoy both who I am now and who I am becoming,” and, “He will be secure enough in himself to let me be me.”

I wrote things like this too: A good sense of humor. But I quickly discovered that is really open to interpretation. Everyone thinks they are funny, even when they aren’t; not all humor is created equal. So I had to refine that over time.

Eventually I did bring that dream man to me. He’s not perfect; but who is? And my list wasn’t perfect either. Not being materialistic, I didn’t state that he’d bring me sweet gifts every now and then “just because”. I should have done that. *wink*

But the point is, a list or letter to Universe/God/whatever isn’t a bad idea; it helps you clarify just what and who you are looking for.

Just don’t expect your perfect-for-you mate to arrive by 10 AM the next morning. In fact, hope and pray the energy from the letter doesn’t even do that — because you’ll want time to refine it, add and subtract from it.

You can start to write your list now; but don’t expect this to be as easy as making that list of items you need from the pantry. In fact, it seems the worse your past relationships have been, the harder this is… It’s much more difficult to list what you want rather than “No more losers.” And I suspect that’s at least half the point of doing this. By the time you have a valid wish list, you’ll have worked through a lot of that old baggage, sparing both you and Mr. Right a lot of trouble.

Dating In This Economy, Part Two: Cheap & Unusual Dates

Alessia — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 18:58:30 +0000

In part one about dating & the economy, I covered some inexpensive ways to meet new people — including Mr. or Ms. Right. I do hope I helped prevent Samantha from going door-to-door looking for love…

If you’re past the meeting new people stage and need cheap date ideas (and I mean that in terms of the price of the activities, not the person lol), most of the suggestions for places to meet new people are also great places to go on dates. But if you’re looking for more ideas that won’t break the piggy bank, head to Roadside America.

Whenever I suggest people go to Roadside America and look for fun & odd places to go on dates, I usually hear laughter — followed by, “Oh my gawd that’s so corny!”

Yes, many of the roadside attractions range from odd to down-right hysterical — but that’s the point. How can you have an awkward date when you’re both laughing at the World’s Largest Ball of Paint or the Big Foot Recovery Project? And I double-dog dare anyone not to have a hoot of a good time at the Wizard of Oz Festival.

At Roadside America, you can search by location and you just might discover something right in your own backyard or a relatively short drive away. Pack a picnic lunch if need be. For those past the “getting to know you” phase who want to test the relationship with some travel, cast your net wider.

Roadside America is also a great place to search for other classic dating ideas, like mini golf & go-kart courses as well as parks.

Heck, just spending some time at Roadside America provides plenty of ideas for dinner conversations; and that can’t be a bad thing either.

Dating In This Economy, Part One

Alessia — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 13:51:20 +0000

Hey Alessia,

With all this talk about people staying home in this economy, do you have any tips for meeting new people to date?

I’m thinking going door-to-door is a bad idea

Samantha

You’re right, Samantha, going door-to-door like a Girl Scout with your cookies is not recommended. While I think the hype about the economy keeping people home is slightly exaggerated (people still need to go to work, buy food, and exit their homes; we are not living in bomb shelters), I think nows as good a time as any to review some tips on where to meet guys & girls to date.

This list of suggestions is primarily based on suggestions I give to self-described “shy” &/or “bookish” people who say their “lack of social butterfly status” makes it more difficult to find potential dates, but if you believe that the soft economy makes for hard times finding guys (or girls), then here’s a list of five tips for making it easier to find someone:

1. If you’re old like me, you probably remember back in the 90’s how so many dating advisers suggested you meet a potential mate at the grocery store. I personally found this advice rather silly; treating the frozen foods isle or butcher section like a meet (or meat) market is asking for lots of mistakes to be made. Since I cannot cook, the idea of the humiliation of hitting on husbands shopping off the wifey’s grocery list & gay guys made me laugh & cringe… But I also think it is impractical because hanging out in a grocery store is not only creepy but a huge time investment — spent on your feet yet! However…

If you want a mate who can & will do the cooking, hang out at the local farmer’s market. Unlike grocery stores which are open long hours (some even 24/7), farmers’ markets are typically run for a few hours on weekend mornings, making your cruising times more realistic. Because they are “events,” not “just shopping,” you’ll find most people are strolling along, willing to talk, and more relaxed and open in general than when they are in a rush running errands. Not only are you likely to identify (especially over time with multiple visits) single men & have more opportunity to have conversations, but buying fresh foods grown locally will improve your diet, save you money, and put money back into your local economy too.

2. If you’re convinced that folks in your town are holing up at home more to save money, then keep your eyes open when making your own home entertainment arrangements. Bookstores, video rental places, gardening centers, stores that sell games, music retailers, hobby supply centers, sporting good stores, etc. — all places you probably are going anyway, so just keep your eyes open for other regular shoppers & start a conversation.

If you don’t have any interests — get some. Seriously; life’s too short to spend it laying like a vegetable on your couch, whether you are doing it alone or as a couple.

3. People are still visiting cheap places. Check your local community calender listings for free or inexpensive events in your interest area. The holiday season is an especially good time for parties, charity fundraisers, etc.; summer offers food & music festivals, flea markets, state & local fairs, etc. Make the most of community resources, like libraries, parks, museums, art galleries, historical societies, zoos, colleges & universities, which often have lecture series, book readings, plays, concerts, & other special events.

Many of these places also offer membership options which include free or discounted admission rates for members — which makes frequent visits affordable.

Those old theaters in the old downtown areas often have free or cheap film retrospectives & festivals. Even malls have those weekend events, like fashion shows, craft fairs, art shows, antique sales. There are lots of things; look for them and attend them.

4. Support local community organizations by volunteering. Some of these organizations can be found in your local papers & online, of course; but don’t overlook calls to the United Way etc. for help matching you with an organization &/or program that needs your skills & help to serve an issue you believe in.

You’re sure to find other singles who are caring and committed to the same concerns & issues that you are — or make friends who just happen to know someone who is single and looking for a girl like you…

You’ll be able to pay it forward & help people while you wait for Mr. or Ms. right.

5. As always, my number one suggestion for meeting new people is to hang out with family & friends, meet their friends and accept set-ups. While we may groan internally at such things, ignore such things and the plethora of negative film & television portrayals of such dates. Studies indicate that we really do find the best relationship matches when we are set up by family & friends. This is because we & our set-up (or blind date) will typically have shared values, similar socio-economic backgrounds, and common interests — as well as the support of family & friends. All these things increase compatibility & long term relationship success — things you can’t afford to ignore in any economy.

Now Really, Bravo (Tsk Tsk)

Alessia — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 23:24:26 +0000

Not only does Bravo’s casting call for Millionaire Matchmaker Season 3 have horrible grammar, but is “Casting Single MILLIONAIRES-Submit you or someone you know” the best they could do?

Suppose you do A) actually know someone with a net worth of at least $1 million, you B) aren’t creeped out by how pathetic the screening is for these shows, and C), you aren’t entirely offended at the idea of allowing your rich pal whore him or herself for corporate exploitative greed just for the chance to wind up with a golddigger (see B again; it applies to faux millionaires as well as murderers) — wouldn’t you just keep the millionaire for yourself?

Hey, it’s not like the Bravo show even bothers to discuss or promote any other values besides (or in addition to) wealth (and, I guess, “beauty”) in casting the show; so you might as wall take him or her yourself, you shallow, soulless gold digger, you.

Til Death (Discussion) You Do Part

Gad-Zoosks, There Are Millions!

Alessia — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 20:55:37 +0000

Dating site Zoosk (which you may have seen or used on Friendster, MySpace, Facebook, etc.) has closed a $30 million funding deal according to The Washington Post.

Last October the dating service reached the 40 million user milestone, boasting that 12 million members are active, resulting in predictions of $20 million in revenue this year. This means the site should be around in time for you to find at least one summer fling.

But also how Zoosk has positioned itself; according to The Washington Post:

The site tries to differentiate itself from dating portals like Match.com by getting distribution on as many platforms as possible, as well as by targeting a 25-35 year old demographic.

If you’re looking for young urban hipsters, Zoosk just might be your meet market.